(Morning at the Frankensteins' apartment.  A coffee table and two small chairs are at C.  A coat rack holding a bathrobe is off to one side.)

 (BRIDE of Frankenstein enters L, carrying 2 cups of coffee.  She wears a bathrobe.)

BRIDE.  Your coffee's ready!  (exits, L.)

(Frankenstein MONSTER enters slowly from upstage.  MONSTER wears a bathrobe and has the traditional look of the Frankenstein monster.  He takes the seat behind the table, placed at C. and directly facing the audience.  Frankenstein MONSTER speaks slowly in a basso voice.)

(BRIDE enters L., carrying a sugar bowl and a container of milk.  She takes the other seat at the table.)

BRIDE.  Well, here we are, another Halloween come and gone.  So now what?

MONSTER.  We belong dead.

BRIDE.  Oh, you say that every year.  Why, we've died so many times I can't keep track anymore.  And every time we die, some dog or some mad scientist just digs us up again.  Wears me right out.

MONSTER.  Need break.

BRIDE.  Yeah, and on whose money?  We barely made enough to pay off the credit cards this year.  Don't know how we're gonna eat from now to next Halloween.

MONSTER.  Steal.

BRIDE.  No, we ain't gonna steal!  That's all we need, is to wind up in the hoosegow.

MONSTER.  Jail good.  Eat free.

BRIDE.  I ain't gonna spend the next year holed up in no jail.

MONSTER.  Me go.

BRIDE.  What, and leave me here to starve alone?  No, we gotta think of something legit.  Guess I can always ask for my old job down at the hairdresser's.  I do have a way with hair, you know.

MONSTER.   (chuckles awkwardly)   Good joke!

BRIDE.  Yeah?  Well, at least I got a job to go to.  What about you?  If I can go back to the Glamorama and do hair ten hours a day, you can get a job, too.  Why don't you call up Count Dracula and find out what he does between Halloweens?

MONSTER.  Sleep.

BRIDE.  Oh, that's right.  Lucky him.  Long as he stays in that coffin, he don't need to eat.  With us it's different, though.  Go on, think of something.

MONSTER.  Drive.

BRIDE.  Drive what?

MONSTER.  Big truck.

BRIDE.  Yeah, and where you gonna get a driver's license?

MONSTER.  Steal.

BRIDE.  You ain't gonna steal no license.  What's gotten into you?  All this talk about stealing.  Let's see, maybe there's something here in the Want Ads.   (BRIDE picks up a newspaper from the table and leafs through it.  MONSTER sips his coffee.)  "Lab technician.  Minimal experience required."  You spent time in a lab, ain't you?

MONSTER.  Lab home.

BRIDE.  Maybe that's something.  Here's another one:  "Customer Service Rep". You know anything about customer service?

MONSTER.  Where?

BRIDE.  Whaley's Department Store, over the mall.

MONSTER.  Too far walk.

BRIDE.  Oh, it's only a couple of miles.

MONSTER.  You go.

BRIDE.  Well, maybe there's something you could do at home, then.  Lots of people work from home nowadays.  Say, now here's one!  "Telemarketing".

MONSTER.   (terrified)   Noooo!

BRIDE.  Why not?  "Work from home, name your own hours.  Make up to $500 a week."

MONSTER.  Nooo!

BRIDE.  Oh, come on.  All you need is a telephone.  They give you a script and everything.

MONSTER.  No phone!

BRIDE.  Well, I don't know what else you're gonna do, then.  At least you oughtta try it.  You're an actor.  That's all you do every Halloween, is act.  You just follow the script, that's all.  Here, why don't we try it?

            (BRIDE exits, L.  MONSTER stands and attempt to sneak off.)

BRIDE.   (off)   Don't you go nowhere!

MONSTER.  Bath room

BRIDE.  You don't have to go to no bathroom.  You sit back down there.

            (MONSTER reluctantly takes his seat.  BRIDE enters L., carrying a telephone.)

BRIDE.  Here.  Now, you pick up the phone and try to sell me something.

MONSTER.  No.

BRIDE.  Alright, then I'm just gonna have to call up Count Dracula and tell him you're scared.  And then he'll tell the Wolfman, and Wolfman will tell Elvira, and Elvira will tell the Invisible Man, and pretty soon all our friends will think you're a scaredy-cat.  Big guy like you, scared of a little telephone.  Now, is that what you want?